what is a mother

tell me

what is a mother for?

for loving
or leaving,
for existing
in
the way i move my
head, my
body,
in the timbre
of my voice
that cries out
for you
when i am alone
and afraid
of myself,
of what i see–you in me
when i close my eyes

i want something
you cannot give.

you are the only one,
the only vessel
on a bombed out ocean
and you are sinking

i can never reach you
fast enough,
can only grasp the
edge,
feel my fingertips
gliding
along your hull,
there’s nothing for me there

and yet
this
THIS
is everything,
the shape of my desire

what do i want?

only to be heard,
to be seen,
for you
to know
that i am
drowning,
calling out
for you

it’s not you;
it never was.

it never was

it was the thing
that you could not be–
the ocean floor
that spreads out luminous
below me

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